When Ed told me EV could do pushups now I assumed that meant she was bending and straightening her arms, yet that didn't make sense sine she could already do that. I got back home after 11 days on the road and saw the next day what he meant. She goes from lying flat, to arms straight head up, then onto her toes! She's in a plank position and I've been asking her if she wants me to put 30 seconds on the clock since she's doing a core exercise. I am overwhelmed by her strength, her will, her happiness. When I saw her do this for the first time I told her over and over again how proud I was of her, it even brought tears to my eyes.
Being a mother is the greatest joy I have ever known. The last few years before EV was born and before Ed came into my life I felt something was lacking. I competed my whole life in athletics but always for something else, something bigger than myself. It was always for Lakeshore, Loyola, or Michigan, not for me. For my teammates, parents, coaches, but not me. For God, not me. The problem was, after I stopped competing for these outside forces I did not know how to compete for myself. I would like to say that I have learned how to do that, how to put myself first, how to take care of myself, but I don't. I eat poorly, don't work out, probably don't get enough sleep, and have not done anything "fun" for a while. Sadly, in the same week, Ed and and a coworker whom I respect greatly, asked me when and if I do things that are fun. I couldn't remember and I don't even know what I would consider fun. I remember playing the guitar with Trish while watching the epic Nadal/Federer Wimbledon match, singing Karaoke Revolution with Jen, Kim, Janelle and Tiffany, playing tennis with Ed, nothing recently though.
Ok, this entry took a different turn than I expected. What I originally was going to say is that being a wife, and even more so being a mother, has given me something to fight for that is bigger than me. It is something I am good at. I love my husband, I love my daughter. I enjoy being a supportive partner and a responsible, loving mother. There really is a mother's instinct and edge. My #1 focus is my family. When making decisions they come first. This fact is really going to come into play this summer when it is time for me to leave Michigan to find a coaching job. I'm looking into schedules for southern schools since it seems they spend less of the preseason traveling across the country. For example, this past weekend we were at University of South Florida. They host 3 weekends worth of tournaments so even though it is hard work to run a tournament, the coaches still get to go home at night. The downside might be the fact that they're in the Big East (I think) which means major travel during conference season. I know I'm not going to have my pick of jobs this summer and am hopeful I even have one option (someone will want to hire me, right?) but having my family first will definitely affect me future career choices.
I do need to address the lack of fun though. I also need to understand that I can better take care of EV if I take care of myself. It hasn't really sunk in though.
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