Please don't take my sunshine away...

Today I read about a baby born stillborn to a friend. 

Ezra Paul Czap was his name and his time inside his mother was free from complications, 

until his last day.  

His mom was full term and ready to give birth.  

I'm sure the nursery was ready, 

the baby showers had occurred, 

the tiny newborn onesies and socks and hats were just waiting for 

a little boy. 

Their arms were probably yearning to hold their son, 

to photograph his first days, first smiles, first foods and first days of schools. 

I'm sure they dreamed of hearing little pitter-pats around the house, 

presents being opened on Christmas morning, 

playing catch in the yard.

But that will never happen for Ezra. 

Sleepless nights filled with feeding and comforting, messy diapers, tantrums...

they will never have those with Ezra.  

My heart breaks for them.  

I'm brought to tears thinking about how they must feel.  

Asking why, wondering if they did something wrong, 

did they miss something? 

They follow Christ and are trusting in Him.  

The despair they must feel, the emptiness, the searching, 

the loneliness. 

I have held my precious, 

beautiful, 

healthy, 

happy, 

thriving baby girl 

more today than I have in a long time.  

I have kissed her and thanked God for her presence and His blessing. 

Tonight when I kissed her and told her I loved her, 

I followed it like I always have, every night, 

"you are a blessing".  

It means more today.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

    neither are your ways my ways,"

             declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are my ways higher than your ways

    and my thoughts than your thoughts."

                           -Isaiah 55:8-9