Mommy Cheats

Somewhere I picked up this idea of what a "Mom" is supposed to do for her newborn. These are my "supposed to's": no pain medication during labor, know how to entertain and care for baby 24/7, not allowed to break down, feed exclusively from the breast for 3 weeks at least...They aren't helpful in any way but instead put pressure on me.

Ed told me that during labor, even when I was at my least coherent, I kept justifying my decision to receive an epidural. It was like I was selling him on the idea. We had already discussed that an epidural was in our plan if the pain got too much. It was clearly too much and I needed the possible relief (I actually received little). I'm curious if it's the athlete in me who did not want help in labor.


My mom told me once that when I was a newborn she was so concerned with the basics of feeding, changing, basically keeping me alive that she didn't really know how to play with me. Dad was much better at walking me around the house and entertaining me. I have this same feeling. I noticed in the few days she's been alive that I am only concerned with accomplishing something: diaper change, feeding, trying to get her to sleep, figuring out if she's too cold or too hot, etc. So silly to admit but I actually Googled "how to play with your newborn". Can you believe it? I got some good ideas though that multitask like putting her on her back and doing the bicycle with her feet. It entertains her possibly and it helps get rid of gas. I have a CD of baby songs that I'm putting on my iPod so I can play them and we can learn some new songs together (my entire repertoire consists of 4 songs right now). Now that she's sleeping better though I'm more rested and eager to actually hang out with my baby girl.

The biggest way I feel I'm "failing" is with breastfeeding. EV doesn't get the best latch and whenever I speak with a lactation consultant they show me how to do it better but of course I get home and I can't do it right. My nipples were beat up: chapped, painful, red, cracked. Ugh, it was terrible. I would put this type of lotion on them afterwards but every time she fed it was painful for me. Breastfeeding is supposed to be this bonding experience between mom and baby but all there was was frustration on my part. When my milk came in it was even worse! My boobs got so full of milk the nipple flattened and poor EV who has a great suck reflex couldn't even stay attached. Now we would both cry during feedings. I didn't know what to do.

Thankfully my friend Tiffany told me that she had the same problem (which always makes me feel better knowing there is someone else out there) and that she would pump to help release some of the milk. The doctors at our appt then told me that I could start with the pump until the nipple sticks out and that will help. Both have been amazing! Now I look forward to feeding her! We tried a bottle of breast milk and that is great for when I need a little break but my preferred method if pump for only a minute then let her latch on. Now we're actually bonding. However, I have this idea that somehow I failed since I couldn't feed exclusively with the breast. Ed keeps reminding me that the most important thing is that she's getting the breast milk, not how she gets it. The bottle makes her more gassy and even though the nipples are slow flow it is still too fast for her. It's an awkward process right now but getting one feeding off so my nipples can heal is incredible.

I know these "failures" aren't failures but instead just the little voice that puts pressure on me. I keep justifying everything to Ed and he points out that he's completely on my side and doesn't disagree with anything I've done yet. He's great at reminding me we're a team and we're going to do what is best for baby AND mommy. Ok, speaking of that, baby is sleeping so that means I'm going back to bed!